Motivation

Over a year ago I decided to train for a half-marathon.  Yes, I decided to run for 13.1 miles.  I know it sounds crazy but my mind set when I heard someone else talking about it was "If she can do it, I can too."  That proved to be good motivation for me to get in the habit of running.  I found a training schedule that gave me a good rough estimate of what to run and when.  I then adapted it to my own life and truthfully, didn't do all the work it recommended.  Race day came and there I was.  At the start line of my very first race, 13.1 miles.  Yikes!  My goal was just to finish.  I not only did that but did it in much less time than I expected.
The problem after that was that I had no more goal to work towards.  I stopped running.  I realized I hadn't been a runner for the enjoyment of it but the challenge.  In the next 6 months I ran about 3 times and it was a chore.
This year I decided I needed to incorporate exercise into my life again for many reasons.  That motivated me to get my running shoes back on and go to the gym.  I actually enjoyed it.  I was glad that I went by the time I got home and decided I needed a little motivation to keep me running.  What did I do?  I decided to do the half-marathon again and I even recruited a running buddy!  The challenge of having someone to keep up with is powerful to me.  I don't want to be left behind when she takes off at that start line.  So I got out my training schedule again and set my mind to it.  In the last couple weeks I realized that I am a runner.  I enjoy it.  It makes me feel good.  I look forward to the challenge.  I don't have to make myself go now.  I actually want to run.  What a difference.
I still like having the challenge of setting a goal and being accountable to a friend to keep improving but I have finally crossed that line from "someone who runs" to "a runner." 

Full vs. Empty

I came home from grocery shopping tonight and as I rearranged my fridge to fit my newly acquired items, it felt like a kid puzzle I needed to conquer.  You know the ones...they have one square missing in the self-contained board.  The sliding and manipulating of the pieces is remarkably similar.   Fresh milk in back, older in front.  Both milks have to be accessible (baby's and family's).  Veggies together, leftovers together, fruit together.  And of course, fresh fruit has to go beneath the older fruit in the drawer.  Yep, that sounds about right.  A game of moving things to the right spot just to find out I have to move them again to get something else in it's right spot. 

I guess that is kind of how life is.  Just when we seem to have things figured out (or at least working pretty well) we find something else out that just mixes things up a little. 

But they do say that a full fridge is more efficient than an empty one and I would venture a guess that a full life is better in a lot of ways than an empty one!

Cleaning the Basement

My friend and I have said for a year now that if only we could get our basements clean, the rest of the house could follow.  We need the space down there to store the extra stuff we can't get rid of from the main floors.  Well, nothing inspires a clean basement like finding water under a basket in the middle of the floor.  I went downstairs this morning to get some towels for my shower (since I am behind on laundry too!) and when I picked up the basket....water.  Ugh.
I started my day buying plastic bins to store all this "precious" stuff.  After that short shopping trip, I came home and blitzed the clutter.  We found stuff we haven't touched in 7 years of living in this house.  We found plenty of things someone else might treasure if wasn't hidden in our dungeon.  We even found a few things that will actually be useful and therefore, we decided to keep them.  In the end what I found was that we actually didn't need the gigantic totes after all.  Most of the stuff already has or will soon be leaving the house.  It now feels like a privilege to go down to my newly cleaned basement.  Hopefully it remains in its current condition for a while.     
The last thing I need is a leaky basement but it's kind of hard to avoid with all the rain we've been getting.  What it taught me though is that there is a lot I can get rid of if given the proper motivation.     And maybe our flowers will bloom early so we can enjoy spring a little longer!

Bumps In the Road

I wrote the following article for our MOPS newsletter and I thought I would share it with you.  Enjoy.

After my first by-the-book pregnancy and my resulting content infant, I fully expected my second experience to be similar. I ate the right foods (mostly!), took my vitamins, went for my checkups. I was therefore quite surprised when my doctor announced at my 24 week sonogram that the baby had a cleft lip. “What does that mean?” was my first question. His response: “It won't look pretty at delivery but I know a great plastic surgeon who will fix it and it will be fine.”

So my baby isn't going to be “pretty”. He'll need to be “fixed”. Not what I wanted to hear. We of course searched Google for answers. Bad idea! The images there were worst case scenario...good for my husband, not good for my pregnant hormones. God could “fix” this though, right? His lip could grow together in the next few months and everything would be normal again, right? Although this is true, it wasn't God's plan for us. Intead, He pointed us to the Cranio-Facial Clinic at Children's Hospital and the Cleft Palate Foundation. Both were great resources for practical information and fabulous doctors that would take care of us. He gave us great insurance and supportive people around us. He provided everything we needed!

The coming months were full of doctor visits, special sonograms, stress tests, and caring for my toddler. Eli was finally delivered and right away the NICU Resident approached us listing the things they were looking at including his complete cleft palate and bi-lateral cleft lip. Basically, his lip and top jaw bone were in 3 pieces and his palate consisted of 2 strips right along his jaw. They were also doing tests for other “mid-line defects”...thyroid, heart, genitals, etc.

Our most immediate concern became his feeding issue. Regular bottles weren't an option. Nursing was next to impossible. Specialized bottles were all he could do and that was taking 45 minutes to give him 1 ounce of milk! As I struggled though learning this new bottle, my heart sunk as the nurse told me to stop and she would give him a feeding tube. I felt like a failure. With tears I returned to my hospital room and read Psalm 139:13-15.

13 For you created my inmost being;
   you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
   your works are wonderful,
   I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
   when I was made in the secret place,
   when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

God made him just the way He wanted Eli to be. The journey may not be easy. It may not be “normal”. But it is His plan. I needed to remember that. I needed to know that He would carry us through when it seemed we couldn't do it.

Another thing I learned in all this is that I was not an island. Having a daughter who was only 19 months when Eli was born meant that I needed help to get though this. Eli needed weekly doctor and orthodontist visits. He needed a lot of time to eat. I needed help! Before this time, I was independent and liked to do things on my own. God decided I needed to learn how to rely on others and let them help me. What a great lesson that has been in my life.

In spite of all this, or maybe because of it, Eli is a spunky 3 year old with great problem solving skills and a happy demeanor. He doesn't know that any part of him is different than others. He doesn't know that no else has a hole in the top of their mouth. He does know that his family and God love him unconditionally just the way he is because that is how God made him, and God doesn't make mistakes. And that is a foundation every kid needs!

Bumps in the road. Sometimes I wish that motherhood was a freshly paved road complete with road signs and directions. Most of the time though, I find myself journeying down a dirt road full of fog with just enough visibility to get me across the next hurdle...and I am glad I can't see all the bumps I will face. I probably wouldn't have the courage to keep going. God says in 1 Corinthians 10:13 (The Message) “No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he'll never let you be pushed past your limit; he'll always be there to help you come through it.” And He has been true to His Word.

My Emotional Daughter

Why is it that girls are so emotional?  My daughter, 5 years old, has been coming home from school lacking any control.  She is sad. She is angry.  She is tired.  She is happy.  She is playful.  And better yet, what am I supposed to do with this emotional little girl?  My untimely emotions certainly aren't helping her control herself.  All her mood-swings are teaching me that I need to get a grip on my own "Mom" emotions.  I am sad.  I am angry.  I am tired.  I am happy.  Sometimes, I'm even playful.  But controlling these emotions is easier said than done.

We have now established some ground rules.  1.  No raising voices.  2.  Have a snack after school (since her class has lunch before 11).  3.  Join the family only when you are ready to be pleasant.

I think these rules have helped.  At least, they have helped me keep my voice in check.  It is amazing how much people listen when you are quiet.  Why don't I remember this more often?  Maybe because of all those emotions getting in the way....

But, at the end of the day, when my emotional little girl gives me a big hug and tells me she'll keep me for a long time, I guess I will take all those little feelings.