Bumps In the Road

I wrote the following article for our MOPS newsletter and I thought I would share it with you.  Enjoy.

After my first by-the-book pregnancy and my resulting content infant, I fully expected my second experience to be similar. I ate the right foods (mostly!), took my vitamins, went for my checkups. I was therefore quite surprised when my doctor announced at my 24 week sonogram that the baby had a cleft lip. “What does that mean?” was my first question. His response: “It won't look pretty at delivery but I know a great plastic surgeon who will fix it and it will be fine.”

So my baby isn't going to be “pretty”. He'll need to be “fixed”. Not what I wanted to hear. We of course searched Google for answers. Bad idea! The images there were worst case scenario...good for my husband, not good for my pregnant hormones. God could “fix” this though, right? His lip could grow together in the next few months and everything would be normal again, right? Although this is true, it wasn't God's plan for us. Intead, He pointed us to the Cranio-Facial Clinic at Children's Hospital and the Cleft Palate Foundation. Both were great resources for practical information and fabulous doctors that would take care of us. He gave us great insurance and supportive people around us. He provided everything we needed!

The coming months were full of doctor visits, special sonograms, stress tests, and caring for my toddler. Eli was finally delivered and right away the NICU Resident approached us listing the things they were looking at including his complete cleft palate and bi-lateral cleft lip. Basically, his lip and top jaw bone were in 3 pieces and his palate consisted of 2 strips right along his jaw. They were also doing tests for other “mid-line defects”...thyroid, heart, genitals, etc.

Our most immediate concern became his feeding issue. Regular bottles weren't an option. Nursing was next to impossible. Specialized bottles were all he could do and that was taking 45 minutes to give him 1 ounce of milk! As I struggled though learning this new bottle, my heart sunk as the nurse told me to stop and she would give him a feeding tube. I felt like a failure. With tears I returned to my hospital room and read Psalm 139:13-15.

13 For you created my inmost being;
   you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
   your works are wonderful,
   I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
   when I was made in the secret place,
   when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

God made him just the way He wanted Eli to be. The journey may not be easy. It may not be “normal”. But it is His plan. I needed to remember that. I needed to know that He would carry us through when it seemed we couldn't do it.

Another thing I learned in all this is that I was not an island. Having a daughter who was only 19 months when Eli was born meant that I needed help to get though this. Eli needed weekly doctor and orthodontist visits. He needed a lot of time to eat. I needed help! Before this time, I was independent and liked to do things on my own. God decided I needed to learn how to rely on others and let them help me. What a great lesson that has been in my life.

In spite of all this, or maybe because of it, Eli is a spunky 3 year old with great problem solving skills and a happy demeanor. He doesn't know that any part of him is different than others. He doesn't know that no else has a hole in the top of their mouth. He does know that his family and God love him unconditionally just the way he is because that is how God made him, and God doesn't make mistakes. And that is a foundation every kid needs!

Bumps in the road. Sometimes I wish that motherhood was a freshly paved road complete with road signs and directions. Most of the time though, I find myself journeying down a dirt road full of fog with just enough visibility to get me across the next hurdle...and I am glad I can't see all the bumps I will face. I probably wouldn't have the courage to keep going. God says in 1 Corinthians 10:13 (The Message) “No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he'll never let you be pushed past your limit; he'll always be there to help you come through it.” And He has been true to His Word.